I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
She even gives head with a lisp.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Randomize
