The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
