She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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