At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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