I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
