please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
