And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
