There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
