no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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