remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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