i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize