She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
