Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I just saw a hot homeless man
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
