I wish life had little blips of pornography
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
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