turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
