he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize