I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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