I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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