i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
