dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
