I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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