is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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