You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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