its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
