So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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