I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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