i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
