The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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