After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
