Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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