One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
he thought i was a dude.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
