Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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