The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
