he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
