Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
