Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
