this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
