i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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