Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
