dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Can vaginas get frostbite?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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