I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
