Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
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