Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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