dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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