And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
