Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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