but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Randomize
