paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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