angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize