kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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