i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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