god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
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