soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize
