so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
