I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize