I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
