So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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