She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
