i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
