It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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