discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
