I'm jealous of your bromance
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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