From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
