id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
