Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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