You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
