A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
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