just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize