He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
