booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
